hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
