I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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