Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Is it because I queefed?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
