I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
