it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
