It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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