This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
