...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
