You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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