Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
