3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
