I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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