If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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