walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
