umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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