Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
