I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
