I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize