do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
cat food counts as protein by the way
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
