The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
