Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
