It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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