his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
