T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
