Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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