I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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