Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
