Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
