So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Pooping to opera.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
