drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
