If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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