My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
