I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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