Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
