The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
