thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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