What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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