Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
