Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
