Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
