Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
