I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
