He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
