Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
