apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
