suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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