So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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