all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
