he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
