Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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