I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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