My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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