I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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