You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
