I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
