I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
