you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
