i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
