I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
