Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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