I skipped work to stalk him.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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