Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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