I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
