we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
