my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
