1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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