Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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