Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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