Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
