I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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