you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
