What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
