Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
