Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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