i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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