I bet he comes in French.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
