Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
