is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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