I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
