Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
