i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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