Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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