My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
