I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
