filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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