and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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