We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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