Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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