pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Randomize
