Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
