Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I cut my penus on the lid.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
