hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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