Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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